Permission to be yourself, granted.
It should have never have to be requested. Rather, it should be a given.
To be honest, I’ve been feeling a lot of outer pressure to be social lately. I recognize that I'm likely doing it to myself. But times are changing for our family, and however much we prepared, it's all very new.
I’m all for being pushed out of your comfort zone, which is why I’ve been friendly to all of the teachers/principal/secretary/other parents at school or day care over the last two weeks.
But sometimes I don’t feel like putting a smile on my face. I just want to be in my bubble, by myself. Or at the very least, with people of my choosing.
Obviously, I have to suck it up, which I do. I just really don’t think I can be the only one out there that feels like this.
Twice a day, every day
I could blame the fact that I work from home, alone, for these feelings. The social aspect is what I miss the most about working in an office environment. Even so, I don’t think I could go back to working outside of my home for someone else again. I enjoy answering only to myself too much for that. In setting my own schedule, I can focus on researching, writing, recording or housework whenever I want to. Sometimes I even just take a break day and do things for myself that don’t include any of the things I “should be” doing.
But what I should be doing has expanded to picking up and dropping Archer off at school. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t expect what it all entails, to be honest. And I don't mean to complain, I just don't want to feel so alone.
Is that weird?
What it's all about
Instead of dwelling on the things I cannot change, I am choosing to focus on those aspects of my days that I enjoy. The walks to and from school, peppered with conversations with a five-year-old as well as a few moments to myself outside that are guaranteed every day.
The quiet that has finally come while he is at school for longer than an hour. I truly feel like I have a kingerdartener on my hands.
Before school started, I was looking forward to having the structure of my dictated by Archer’s school schedule. I have to remind myself that it’s still there to look forward to, even if I’m spending the majority of my days right now with Archer. We will only have this time together like this once. (Until next September? Ha.)
I am grateful for this arrangement, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not going to be hard. I choose to give myself permission to enjoy the days and take a step back to let the difficult times embrace us as well.
Permission to be yourself, granted,