This has been a rough season. I know that it’s been that way for a lot of people, but I’ve struggled. I’m honest about it, I work at it every day, but it took me six full months of being home with my kids seven days a week to realize that I needed a break. Something that lasted more than just a couple of hours.
I needed to take a break.
It turns out that simply trying to prioritize myself just wasn't enough. Knowing myself, it kind of blows my own mind that I hadn’t asked Brad for some time away before now. I’ve been a mom for six years; I’ve been on vacations away from my family before. Whether it be for a girl’s trip, Mom Camp or just a night or two away with a friend that needs it, too. Heck, even pre-Covid, I was home by myself four days every week for at least five hours with time to myself to write, work out or even eat a meal uninterrupted.
I miss it.

First stop, coffee from my favourite spot, Black Sugar.
One day last week, Brad was working at his office for a majority of the day. It hadn’t even been a particularly awful day with the kids, I had just reached my breaking point. When he got back to the house, I looked at him and I just said, “I need a break.” I was serious. He knew it. He told me to take two nights.
But it was the long weekend and I wanted to spend some of that with my family, too, especially since Brad has been so ridiculously busy at work. So, I booked myself a hotel room last Saturday night. I took my bike for a ride at Tynehead Regional Park, picked up sushi, which I ate in bed, and just relaxed. I got some writing done, which I will plan to have more time for next time I do this. Because I assure you, there will be a next time. I showered when I wanted, there was no need to get up early before the kids, make sure one of them was napping or in front of the TV. Every moment I had, every action I chose to do, was because I wanted to. It wasn’t because or in spite of anyone else. And it had been far too long since I'd given myself that luxury.
We are so worth investing in ourselves. Especially when it doesn’t seem possible.
Not working out of the home and being with my kids all of the time, strips away a lot of who I am underneath. It’s why getting out of the house with friends during the pandemic, mostly outdoors, to get some excerise and chat, has been so important to me.
Anya.
That person that had the babies all those years ago and does her best—while failing most of the time—not to yell at them on a daily basis. I embrace that things have been hard. I own it because I know that it’s only a phase, it won’t be like this forever. Not to mention that in the grand scheme of things, I have it pretty well. But part of owning my hardships is recognizing that it’s not only okay, but should be encouraged, to get away from it all sometimes. It's not the same, being at the house when everyone else is there, too. Other mamas will get that, I think. There's really nothing like time away.
I was proud of myself for my night away, for taking my bike and working up a sweat. For doing work and reading a magazine. Just doing the things that I don’t make enough time for. And it may seem silly, but I was proud of myself for running a bath and figuring out what the heck to do when the tub started shoot water through the top of the faucet—the part that you usually pull to switch the stream from the tub to the shower. I have a bit of a reputation for not being able to get showers, mostly on our travels, to work. Since I would usually just as Brad for help, I was even more determined to fix it myself. But I couldn't, so my bath didn’t get very bubbly, since the water was divided between coming out of the shower and the tub, but I didn’t let that deter me. I soaked in the tub, taking a few minutes to meditate to quiet music. It was bliss.
This break was all about me, this time, though I’d love for Brad to be able to join me next time. And while that may mean paying our babysitter a rather ridiculous amount of money so that I can *gasp* get away with my husband overnight, I am positive that it’s worth it.
So, tell me. What have you done for yourself lately? Something specific, just for you?

Pretty sure it's not supposed to come out that way ...
We are so worth investing in ourselves. Especially when it doesn’t seem possible.
Take a break,
Anya


The trail is the thing, not the end of the trail.
Travel too fast and you miss all you are travelling for.
-Louis L'Amour

