Consider this my first Anya Introspective.
Aren’t all of your blog posts an introspective on you and your life, Anya? You may ask.
And while the answer would be a resounding yes, there are a lot of things that I want to write about that I haven’t yet.
My experiences publishing Letters to the Mountain. What has happened with my family since then. My opinions on controversial things, not because I think I’m right—regarding any of it—but because I don’t know how to open the conversation instead of just giving my one-sided, written opinion. My little blog and social media following are new, and small. I have a voice, which I want to use, I just haven’t learned how to make that next, larger, step I’m looking for just yet.
I am certain that I will write about my self-publishing journey one day. It’s something I’ve already started drafting. The family stuff is more difficult, because writing my truth the first time is what got me to where I am now. Added to many years navigating tough relationships and being the so-called black sheep because of my reluctance to keep quiet any longer. Putting it lightly, I’m in a bit of a pickle.
And the controversial stuff … well, I think that will come one day, too, if I’m being honest. For now, I start small.
You can never tell what's behind the smiles, even when you can see reflections in the glass.
I have written one post on boundaries, and I guess this one was a popular subject that I gave my honest, different opinion on, given the time. So, I know I have it in me! I mean, I did write the memoir, for myself and for my best friend. And I guess moving forward, I just want to make sure that what I am writing is for me first. I don’t ever want to set out to hurt anyone, which I haven’t, so far, with intention.
Last week, I went on a forest-y walk with a dear friend, someone who has also written a book—you can check out a bit more about her and her book here—and is also very open about her past and her journey seeing a counsellor. During our lovely heart-to-heart walk and talk, Aubri encouraged me to make an appointment with my counsellor to help me decide how to handle a tough conversation that has been hiding in the wings.
In an effort to open up more on here—this blog is my very own space, after all—I wanted to share with you some of my reasons for talking with a counsellor. (I was about to type “seeing” and while I will technically be seeing her on my computer, I feel like that implies that I will be seeing her in person, and I plan to book a telehealth appointment instead.)
To Work Through a Problem
This is the reason why I booked my first-ever session with a counsellor. If you’re unfamiliar with the story, in a bit of self-promotion, I encourage you to check out Letters to the Mountain, where you will find the story in full.
To Deal with Loss
When I lost my best friend, I had no idea what to do. I had started to write a journal to her, the journal that I turned into my book (man, this is turning out to be a lot more self-promotey than I anticipated going in), but I knew deep down that I needed more help. I needed someone who knew more about grief to help me identify my feelings and work through them while I missed Rachael.
To Make a Plan
This is where I find myself now. It’s never easy to pick up the phone or click the button that will make the appointment with a professional. But I have never, ever regretted it (even when it didn’t go so well, the first time). It’s okay to ask for help, I think everyone should, to be honest. And since it’s been a few months for me, I’m happy to be taking control of my mental health and well-being and asking for the help that I need, navigating uncharted waters.
There are, of course, many other reasons to seek out the help of a counsellor or therapist, these are just some of the examples I have experienced.
Something else that is proven to help a dreary mood or problem:
a walk in nature.
Rice Lake, BC
Finally, I want to share with you a quote that my counsellor—who I have been seeing for four years, on and off now—shared with me the last time we met, which was in early Covid times.
“Family pathology rolls from generation to generation like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path, until one person in one generation, has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to his ancestors and spares the children that follow."
My wish is for everyone that might need it to dig deep and find the courage you may not think you have, concluding the Anya Introspective for today. 🙂
Braveness and tears can walk hand in hand,