That is basically all.
Except this is me we’re talking about, and I always have more to say than that!
On the heels of my post about living my life without the Shoulds, I’ve been trying to stop apologizing so darn much.
There are really not as many things to be sorry for than I apologize for on a near-daily basis.
Sorry for calling at a bad time.
Sorry for my feelings.
Sorry for the interruption.
It needs to stop!
In a recent conversation, I found myself actively not apologizing. I didn’t say I was sorry for not calling—life is busy, I let the person know I’d been thinking about them instead. It’s okay to not have the capacity for everything and everyone all the time. More than okay.
I have actively stopped apologizing for my feelings and have been encouraging of my kids to feel it all, even if they feel silly or embarrassed. Feelings make us unique, they make us who we are. There is nothing wrong with that, and certainly nothing to apologize for.
During my writing workshop this week, I found myself wanting to apologize when Maverick came onto the video and Brad came into the room to help me with my headphones. Then again when I stepped away to say good night to the kids. I explained myself, sure, but I actively did not apologize. And it felt really good! I was with a group of people that I'm comfortable with, that understood without me having to explain. Or apologize.
All You Need is Love. And to Stop Apologizing.
The biggest exception, I think, is apologizing as a way of acknowledging what someone is going through. It is probably different for everyone, but the small act of saying you’re sorry to hear what I’m experiencing, and especially that I’m having a hard time, means so much and not only makes me feel better, but like I’m not going through things alone.
This reminds of the conversation that was had at Mom Camp: Virtual Camp surrounding what it truly means to be empathetic towards someone. Rather than connecting with someone’s experience, empathy is the connection to the emotions we have as the result of any given experience. While we can never experience exactly what someone else is going through, we can search for similar feelings and be empathetic. It’s a beautiful thing to know that we are not alone.
Ahhhh Stereotypes. This one made me LOL.
I talk about my experiences at Mom Camp: Virtual on the blog here and here, on the Vancouver Moms website. If you have a minute on this rainy, dismal day, have a read and let me know what you think. I’m also open to hearing what you think about my beginning thoughts on not apologizing so much. It’s more complicated, of course, but I think I’m off to a good start.
Save the sorry-s for the big stuff,