I have a conundrum.
What do I write about when I don’t feel like I have anything to write about?
When I’ve made the choice to write, set a schedule to write and sit down at the computer or with a pen and paper to write every chance I get.
The kids are in day care and I am alone. It is time.
You can’t schedule these things.
If you have kids, it’s like trying to tell your baby it’s time to sleep instead of crying for four hours every night when you just want to eat your dinner while it’s still warm.
I’m in the witching hour of writing.
Except the tears haven’t come yet. They’re there, for reasons unrelated to writing that I know I don’t want to write about right now. But they’re there.
I want so badly to convert them into words, but I cannot pinpoint what it is that I want to say.
The blinking icon almost started to piss me off, but anger is not the emotion I need to channel right now.
I think I just need to be. Be present, choose to exist instead of do. Which is difficult for me. I’m a planner and a doer. If I’m not planning, I like to be doing. Something.
It’s like anything, really. When you want something so much but it’s not in your control to have right now.
Alone with my words in a coffee shop full of people.
What do you do?
But, in waiting, you have to be careful not to let your life pass you by. Because if you simply wait, things will continue to happen without you even realizing it.
273 words ago I didn’t think I had anything to write about.
I’m not sure if I feel better now. But I feel like I’ve touched on things that might resonate with various people in my life. Someone looking for love. Someone else at the hospital. The girls next to me planning their weddings. Me, when I’m home alone with the kids. My husband, away for work.
I don’t ever want life to pass me by, but time goes on, whether we want it to or not.
Black Sugar Coffee House Quote
I just want it to be worthwhile and I am the only one that can determine whether it is or not. I add value to my own life through my choices and, personally, through my writing. Through asking myself “what do I write about when I don’t feel like I have anything to write about?”
The answer? My answer?
I am writing.
It is fluid, ever-changing.
And I’m in love.